If I Could Do it Over..

If I had I chance to do things over I know I would take the time,
Analyze my mind for all my painful memories that i might need to find
It may not be the easiest thing to comprehend,
But for all my broken relationships throughout my life
this would give me a chance to make amends.
If i had a chance to do things over, where would i start?
Well the first thing would be to find a way to get rid of this pain i had in my heart.
I wish I was able to confront my mother when I first met her,
Ask her why she left and did that choice make her life any better.
I wondered for years thinking how I would get my mouth to start talking
And eventually it left a hard spot in my heart that will not soften.
Because of her I was never taught how to live with affection,
So most of my relationships were based off my erections.
And i know it may sound bad but if i had a chance to do it over,
I would definitely treat them much better now that I've grown and I'm older.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
to when I was living with my father,
And make sure I was strong enough to deal with him
when the drugs turned him into a monster.
I wish I could go back and build a stronger relationship with my brother,
At the end of the day we were all each other had
not being able to grow up with our mother.
I could wish and wish forever to change things or to mend things,
and sometimes I pretend things didn’t affect me the way they really did,
But if i could change some things it would have to start from when I was a kid.
I could wish and regret all I would want to,
But the truth behind it is that I’m glad i went through.
Because if I wasn’t going through those tough times
could i really have turned out the way i am now?
If I didn’t have anything growing up and I were to go through the same struggles
Would I really know how?
They say if it doesn’t break you it builds you and the fact that I’m here to,
means I made it regardless of the situations i was faced with.
I could regret things, and I could wish to change things,
but the butterfly effect is too great a risk,
And could possibly jeopardize how I grew up and not ending up like this.
So I’m thankful for my past I know it happened for a reason,
I been through hell and back and luckily I managed to conquer all my demons.
So I intend to give up on looking back to my past with regrets.
Even though I suppress some things,
I'm thankful cause in the end it all contributed to my success.