These Headphones

Headphones on, volume up, then it’s fuck the world
I get comfort in these headphones
Listening to my problems accompanied with melodies
Gives me the escape I need from stress when I'm alone
Any overwhelming stress gets dealt with by this overwhelming bass
And it’s felt in the form of chords that take me all the way to outer space
While I'm up here my sight becomes my ears and I hear
Every emotion that I fear in the form of lyrics to a beat
And suddenly every issue is conquered by rhythm of my feet
As I tap my foot and break my neck,
Listening to all these different playlists
Each song manages to take me to different places
And these headphones become my drug and replaces my real problems,
Ever since I put these headphones on I seem to have forgotten all about em'
I get more of a reality through these headphones than life on a day to day basis
I tune out, turn up the volume and listen to all my problems that I'm facing
The way my problems are recited to me makes me feel heavily sedated
Because my getaway is in these headphones that I've been anxiously awaiting
I turn up the volume to drown out all these irrelevant predicaments
And these instruments become instrumental in my deliverance
From this false imprisonment that this life has given me
And after experiencing music I realized that I'm trapped in reality
But these headphones have powers, they removed those shackles
Fought my battles, made me a King and constructed me a castle
See these headphones gave me the capability of creating my own cosmos
Cause I control, the flows of melodic notes
I'm consoled, by each dose of this harmonic soul
When I can't find the comfort in life, I find that comfort in these headphones
Music as deep as a baritone in different varieties as a xylophone
Music has been a stepping stone, to me fortifying my vigor
People feel better knowing when others are going through something similar
Problems weighing down on you so hard you can feel like a prisoner
But listening to a song that speaks to you precisely
Has the precise means of altering your mood quite nicely
In a way that you insert "your name" in every mention of "a name"
No longer feeling ashamed of the being binded and constrained
Cause when your headphones are on, and the volumes up, its fuck the world
Every time I put on these headphones
This music takes me to another zone
Volume so loud my mind's blown
Then I take another step back in my castle
Remove those shackles, have a seat on my throne.
Cause with these headphones, I am at home.

Directions To Your Heart

Nowadays words just don't hold enough feelings

Sometimes I want to tell you how I'm feeling

But I can't express it through words

In contrast to some of the things you've probably heard

I am not the guy to shy away from my past, but to embrace it

We've all done things we aren’t proud of but we can’t erase it

Instead when you face it, you're faced with a decision

To either let it break you or build you

And I choose to yield to your will boo

So whatever you'll have me do, I'll do it

I may lack the affection you need

But don't give up on me yet, class just started

I have all the materials I need, so you can remain unguarded

Playing games are outdated so I'll resort to being truthful

I wish I knew how to love the way that you do

I just lack your instruction

In order for me to function, we’ll base love as the curriculum

You can teach me how to love and we'll keep games to a minimum

Because I found something in you that I should cherish

Having that once in a lifetime feeling of ecstasy you don’t want to perish

See I hit your love under an X in the sand

And that music that used to come from my chest is now coming from your hands

You hold something dear to me, and you can see the fear in me

Every time I rode the love wave I wiped out

Drowning in a sea of regrets that lead to love doubts

But I found my way back and you were my guiding light

Swam through it, and found the sun in the darkest of nights

It’s evident you were heaven sent, Just wonder where you stored your wings

Never thought I'd meet someone who can treat a peasant like he's a king

You cleared my palace sat me down and called it my throne now

I wanted to repay you back I just didn't know how

But I'll learn, I'll read every book, and study every lesson

To return the love you showed me, the product of your affection

I swear I'd overdose on you if you let me, even through the changes

Through every mood: happy, hurt, or hateful and filled with so much anguish

But it’ll be painless, and every day I want you by my side

Always thinking of the first day we let our worlds collide

And how being without you would feel like a fate worse than suicide

Because you have my heart caged in, and it’s quite comfortable

I'd stay in your embrace forever just don't let me go

One thing is certain, I may never be able to love the way that you do

But that’s part of unique the reason that makes you, you

Your special to me, and there's something I'm just realizing

Even if we can't love the same way it doesn't mean we stop trying

You got my heart, no more renting, borrowing or leasing

When I think of us, I relate our ups and downs to the seasons

Though we're young, you've taught me so much and I'll always remember

The beauty of your spring, the warmness of your July, the rain in our fall

And the coldness of December.

Even on the coldest days,

The warm and beautiful ones are just around the corner

So we hold on to each other even tighter when it’s cold

Until the days where it gets warmer.

Part-Time Mother

All you part-time mothers are about to be disappointed
Nobody wanted to be the one to say it so I guess I'm self-appointed
Its funny how the more children are produced the more mothers are reduced
And I use the term mother by its biological means
Which means there is a difference between a mother and a mom
A mom will protect her children from any kind of harm
While a mother in its biological sense is just a women who gives birth
Bringing a child into this world and not giving them what they're worth
See I have a problem with these part-time mothers dressed in the latest fabric
When their children are wearing old hand-me-downs they kept up in the attic
Why not provide for your child more than yourself
Is it that much of a crime when we have to portray our wealth
Have to be seen in the flyest clothes, but nobody knows
That baby daddy is paying for these with his child support check from Lowes
See I have a problem with women who use their child, and yes it does bother
Seeing a women use their child as a tool to get back at its father
Holding a man for child support, but instead using that child's money to support her own lifestyle
Take him to court get more of his money based off the jealousy of seeing him with a new woman and you want to be hostile
See I got a problem with you part-time mothers who don't make your child you’re first priority
Worrying about your baby father's life, as if having his child gives you authority
And it’s true that some men don't hold to their duties but for the men that do
Why do you part-time mothers feel the need to make them suffer cause they're not with you
When you think about a part time job what do you think of?
Someone who is on the job but not quite all the time
Like the job doesn't have its full attention
Don't even bother to call to come in when we're shorthanded
Sometimes you work hard and sometimes you don't
Sometimes you put in some extra work and sometimes you won't
See I have a problem with some of you part-time mothers
But if you are a part-time mother then the other part of your time should be dedicated to your employment
Not spending it in the club all the time and trying to decide between boyfriends
For most of yall that’s how you got in that position in the first place
And some of you women choose not to grow up after having a child so all of your mistakes you made get retraced
Leads you back to the same place, think you find a soul mate, go on a couple dates
He cooks a couple plates, you let him get to third base back at your place
Then you become a part-time mother to another child, *Straight-face* -__-
See I got a problem with you part-time mothers, it’s something that hits home,
See I didn't even have a part-time mother; she was unknown till I was grown
You women think a baby doesn't understand things at that age
But they absorb everything you portray, anger, hurt and rage
So let that be a lesson,
You can hate me but I'm just passing a message
You have something special that you were blessed with
A child that needs to be kept safe in every essence
Treated like a first priority, loved, and nursed
So do positive things you would want them to learn
Stop wearing things to attract all that thirst
And put that part-time status away, and put your child first.

Her

There was once a time I would lay up at night
Wondering what my perfect women would be like
I thought of characteristics and physical features
If I got her how would I treat her
If she wouldn't open up her mind, how would I read her
If I were to tell her i love her, would my words reach her
But I love the fact that she's a mystery
Hopefully falling for you would prevent me from getting injury
Cause for her, I would carry the cross to my own crucifixion if
It would help her have more faith in me
And I could die on that cross and you could bury me in a tomb,
And I would rise on the 23rd hour just to prove,
I could not live a day without her.
It’s funny how sometimes I compare my nights to her
Cause every star in the sky aims at the moon
And in my eyes I'm that shooting star who'll get there soon
So when I find her, I won't let her go so easily
Everything we do is between me and you, so I'm sworn into secrecy
For her, I would count every star in the sky,
And find the one that most resembles the look in Her eye
When we share our moments together and I'm trying to decide
Exactly how to tell you, that you are the "Her" I've been looking for
And Her love got me feigning more than any drug at the convenient store
I told myself I should fight it but now I'm willing to go to war
Hoping these moments are just then beginning, and there’s more to explore
Cause at the end of the day, if I have Her then i don't need much more
For her, I would mark every second of the day after every time we part ways
Just to tell her that’s it’s been exactly 52,364 seconds since I got to say
That I love you, and hoping that you feel the same way,
Because for Her, there’s nothing I won't do,
I'm painting your toenails, drawing the little details
Holding conversations through, texts, tweets, and emails
Taking the password off my phone cause I don't have anything to hide
Letting you win arguments, because I'd be willing to set aside my pride
For her, I would be willing to go to war with anyone who doubts us
Because us being in our own little world just means they don’t know anything about us
They would see how happy we are and wanna crowd us
And I would laugh at you when I see you try to act tough
We would be secure in each other because we have trust,
And we have Us, and I have Her
And now I know after all this time I've been living my life backwards
And now i can proceed to move forward
Not having to worry about feeling cornered
Because she has my back, and I have hers
Knowing that we can handle anything that occurs
If I had Her in my life I wouldn't need to mislead
Other women who don't compare to Her,
When I try to think about past loves it’s all a blur
Forgetting those who don't hold a candle to Her,
And knowing what I have now, I prefer
And it’s funny the more I think about her
How I would love and never doubt her
How Her beauty blooms like the most beautiful flower
And how I don't ever want to be without her
I spend all this time wishing for her
But the only thing missing is Her.

What If You Knew...

Sometimes I used to think about walking away from it all
Despite all that I've accomplished sometimes you just hit a wall
Forgetting about the falling and rising it took me to get here
But let’s be clear, you couldn’t judge me on my worst day
I've felt like a winner in situations and still didn’t come in 1st place
Yea, I'm doing ok for myself now, but what do you know about my struggles
What do you know about trying to juggle 3 jobs and a fulltime student status
Thinking you can take it all on, but having that contribute to your madness
What do you know about going days not having any food in your fridge
Being too proud to reach out, pretending your friends fell of the grid
What do you know about not having any family to turn to
No support system to see to it that you can make it through
What do you know about growing up not knowing if you mom is dead or alive
Creating these fake images cause you never seen her with your own eyes
What do you know about witnessing your father doing drugs
Beating you, and torturing you because that’s how he shows “his love”
What do you know about having to wear the same clothes everyday for a year
Having to take the verbal abuse at school and pretend like you don't care
What do you know about being put through child services
Feeling unwanted at the same time as all this anger surfaces
What do you know about not having a roof over your head
Sleeping on the floor cause some group homes didn’t have any beds
What do you know about being homeless, yea you see them on the streets
But what if you knew that used to be me,
What if you knew I was that kid starving from not eating in days
What if you knew I was that kid abused and having to live life afraid
What if you knew I was that kid getting kicked out of school for not having good grades
What if you knew I was that kid everyone wanted to stay away from because he couldn’t control his rage
What if you knew all this, would you still look at me the same?
But yet we judge others and are so quick to throw dirt on their name
Assuming we know, but don’t even know about the background from where they came
But it’s true, the past can change you
Having nobody there in my darkest hours taught me to rely on myself
Having no food or shelter taught me how to provide for myself
Having no material items taught me how to appreciate my wealth
And after going through all that I can say is that, I'm proud of myself
Because I see people lose it over something so small
Thinking if they were me they wouldn’t be able to survive at all
I try to laugh to catch my anger, but I know
Not everyone experiences a life changing struggle
Not everyone can turn out different from a life full of trouble
But not everyone is meant to,
God gives his hardest battles to the strongest soldiers
And I'm thankful cause for years I've carried this weight
But now I can finally lift it off my shoulders
I made it this far, I still have a long ways to go
But I just wanted to tell you about me,
For all those people who think they already know...

Lesson Learned The Hard Way

I needed time, you needed love
You thought we should wait for sex, I thought we should rush
You thought I was what you needed, I told you don't try your luck
Didn’t think your emotions would get so involved, but then you got caught up
You wanted to protect yourself and I could understand that
But telling a man that, when we have our needs
It only gives us means to look at this as a challenge
And though this was far from a game to you
I thought it was interesting to see how much I became to you
The games I played, hearts I broke who knows what was the real cause
I mean when I was younger I believed in true love
And I've been through what I'm causing you don’t think I haven’t
I know what it feels like to have your heart broken into fragments
I've had a mountain dropped on my heart and watched it all shatter
I've had my heart on a sleeve and had it treated like it didn’t matter
I've put my all into someone and let their love change me
And had that same person turn around and play me
And though that's no excuse for my actions
All I can do is apologize to you
I had to learn the hard way, so we all go through it.
You loved me on the first night, your intuition even told you not to do it
You told me that you really liked me, I laughed like I was surprised
Then I held you close and stared you deep into your eyes
I and began to reciprocate a bunch sweet replies
But deep down every word of it was probably all a lie
People may ask why, but back then it was beyond my comprehension
Maybe I did it to release all that pent up tension
Maybe that was my way of trying to teach you a lesson
Or perhaps I just wanted to lead you on with some false affection
The games I played, hearts I broke who knows what was the real cause
I mean when I was younger I believed in true love
And I've been through what I'm causing you don’t think I haven’t
I know what it feels like to have your heart broken into fragments
I'm not perfect, and even when I try to love again
I come across the wrong one and I'm back at square one
I go up, love goes down, I go left, love goes right
I swear I'm looking for it, but why does it seem to be so out of sight
Since then I been keeping my heart guarded with the thickest armor
Maybe its karma,
But I swear some of these women could have pierced through it if their words were
any sharper
They say a weak heart hurts others, When the L word was thrown around I took cover
Ducking and dodging, and though I been hiding
The truth remains, I was scared.
Scared of that mountain, like a running back being hit so hard for the first time
Scared of losing those pieces, like my contacts just fell out of my eye
Scared of trying again, like that person who's failed his permit test 9 timesS
cared of having to tell people I’m good, when that’s really all just a lie
The games I played, hearts I broke I know what was the real cause
I've been hurt before when I truly believed in real love
And I've been through what I'm causing you don’t ever think I haven’t
I know what it feels like to have your heart broken into fragments
And even now, I'm still looking for those fragments.

A Hate Poem

Man do I hate you,
And the fact that you can make me hate you
Makes me hate you so much more
I mean I gave you my all and you still asked for more
I told you I loved you and you still treated this as a chore
Like it was something you had to do but really didn’t want to
As if I'm the nigga whose holding you back
Remember the days you used to blow up my phone to hear my voice
Remember that?
Remember when you used to cook for me when I got home from school
Remember that?
And now I'm wondering what happened to that girl and where she's at
Because it does in fact appear that you’re different
When i started to care you seem to have gotten a little distant
But what you SAY and what you WANT are two different things
I gave you what you SAID you wanted but what good did that bring
I mean you complain more than ever and I hate you more than ever
But saying that makes me look weak, cause the truth remains
I wanna go back to the days when you made my heart beat
But that shit is a wrap, after all I've seen too much to go back
I seen you turn from that sweet girl to a ratchet bitch
And i hate using that word but right now, it fits
“When we were together we never turned our backs on each other,
And now that we're separated we can’t stand one another”
Avant spoke the truth in that song
We reached a point where we can barely get along
Logic doesn’t seem to help and I can’t fix this shit by myself
So I guess that means I let it go, and if I want some sex I'll let you know
“I only came here for two reasons”, that’s for your love and you loyalty
I miss those days where you used to spoil me
I mean I ain’t never have that shit growing up
So you taking care of me made it easy for me to open up
But nowadays people put on a front and change once they get comfortable
Damn, look what the fuck this is coming too
Me writing hate poems, while you send hate texts
Me saying I'm done with you, while you saying not yet
Then me ignoring you for days thinking it’s done, it’s over with
Then you popping up out of nowhere, even when I said I quit
It’s hard to take my own advice and sometimes I wish I could go back in time,
To the day when we first met, and just walk away with no regrets
Cause what our relationship amounted to was a bunch of bullshit
You did this and you did that, we both are wrong but we never wanna admit.
We talked about Love Pains and how those seem to hurt
But with all this anger I feel towards you now, I know this will never work.
So this is closure.
All those fighting to make it work days are over, and I proudly handled it like a solider
You may not have been the one for me,
But thanks to you now I know for sure that I'm getting closer.

Love Pains

You used to make my heart throb, now you make my stomach turn
Could of took the bitter route but it’s just another lesson learned
You used to brighten up my days, now I can’t stand the thought of you
We used to be so close who would have thought we end up like this
Convinced, we knew what love was but you don’t blame love for this
I mean could love really turn people from friends, to lovers, then to enemies
I mean I would have settled for you just being friends with me
But love pains make it hard to see you as a friend to me
Love pains take my consciousness and turns it to self-consciousness
Convinced I was the cause of this, destroying all of my confidence
But even love has a consequence
And we all hate to admit it,
But love can get the best of us and change our lives within minutes
I mean it’s complicated explaining it
A guy like me tries to run away from it
Having prior heartbreak experience scares me to put my faith in it
They break parts of the heart and leave with parts of the soul
Invest so much time and love and that that damage takes its toll
So when we are finished I'm left with half of a whole
Funny how quickly something new can become something old.
What do we gain from love pains,
Nothing more than feelings of being deranged
Days of never ending rain, and I swear every time I hear your name
I just want to go insane, but instead I refrain
Maintain my composure and hold my emotions back
Love pains seems to be the cause all of that
Love pains, love cries, love hurts, and love dies
But why, won’t these pains just go away
They say hurt people, hurt people
And the fact that I look at you as equal
Reassures that one mistake can pierce you like a needle
But love must go through pain as well
Seeing so many marriages and relationships fail
So much, people taking others for granted and betrayal
It seems like love would work when there’s winter in hell
But optimistically, there’s always a possibility
The best moments of love seems to always lie in history
But still have the same chances of getting your heartbroken
The pain of giving your all and having it all stolen
Hurt is inevitable and love pains can cause it
But with the right love in your heart you can guard it
Otherwise you can’t expect someone to love you, it won’t work
So always remember to love yourself first.

Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Malcolm,
I wanna write to you, don’t be confused
Just listen, don’t be amused
I know you're young but these are some tools
You can use to make sure your life turns out better
And I know right now you’re feeling like you’ll live forever
But sometimes being reminded that you’re only human can save you
Not trying to debate with you, just trying to reshape you
Who am i?
I'm the person who's been catching each and every one of your tears
I'm the person who held you through all of your fears
I'm the person who watched you grow through all of these years
Confused much?, cause right now you’re saying "there was nobody there"
But let’s be clear, you had me and I was always here
All you ever had was me so i just want you to know
Don’t ever feel like you are alone
I wanna give you some premature warnings of some things you didn’t know
And make sure you make the right decisions when you’re feeling low
Some of your biggest mistakes are saying Yes when you wanted to say No
And I know you don’t have many friends and holding on to them is important
But those people will walk all over your and all that anger will lie dormant
You bottle it up inside and though your shy, no don’t lie
We both know your shy, the quiet guy who keeps to himself
That’s you, scared to interact, that’s true
But keep this in mind that you, have potential
Even though people don’t see it, In you, don’t let that be the reason its goes to waste,
You’ll realize it one day, but why not a sooner date?
You feel like the bad guy, everyone turns their back on you right?
Well what better feeling then to succeed when they’re not watching
It’s alright, everyone already thinks your plotting, always with such a serious face, and a mean face.
But when they turn back around they will be looking at a man
A Man they didn’t know existed inside of you Malcolm, its true
For I am you, I know your pain, your fears,
When you cry, how many tears, when you'll mature, how many years
But the purpose of this is, not to spoil your future, but to make sure you
Keep all those goals intact, I know your goals, you have talent
And if you don’t let anyone bring you down or through you off balance
Let’s just say you eventually managed to take the proper path
Even though you hate school Malcolm, you’re a genius when it comes to math
Even though you're quiet guy, you have a gift to make people laugh
And I'd tell you to stop acting an ass, but who am I, I laugh more
Than anyone else do.
Class clown in high school, but the biggest achievement is that honor roll you made
Remember those days when you wanted to give up, this goes to show that you can accomplish anything,
Turn your past around and chase any dream,
my advice to you is for you to be proud of yourself and build your self-esteem,
Walk with your head held high and always aim for the sky,
That shy guy will no longer be you one day but don’t rush it
Your first love, loved you for it, but not to get off topic
I just want to tell you, all those days of being bad for attention
Will help put you on the right direction
Cause without some light and dark you couldn’t see your reflection
Who you are is what you make yourself to be
And though you have a rough road ahead of you
You'll eventually become Me.

PS Don't skip school during finals week on those half days when you turn 16. Trust me.

If I Could Do it Over..

If I had I chance to do things over I know I would take the time,
Analyze my mind for all my painful memories that i might need to find
It may not be the easiest thing to comprehend,
But for all my broken relationships throughout my life
this would give me a chance to make amends.
If i had a chance to do things over, where would i start?
Well the first thing would be to find a way to get rid of this pain i had in my heart.
I wish I was able to confront my mother when I first met her,
Ask her why she left and did that choice make her life any better.
I wondered for years thinking how I would get my mouth to start talking
And eventually it left a hard spot in my heart that will not soften.
Because of her I was never taught how to live with affection,
So most of my relationships were based off my erections.
And i know it may sound bad but if i had a chance to do it over,
I would definitely treat them much better now that I've grown and I'm older.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
to when I was living with my father,
And make sure I was strong enough to deal with him
when the drugs turned him into a monster.
I wish I could go back and build a stronger relationship with my brother,
At the end of the day we were all each other had
not being able to grow up with our mother.
I could wish and wish forever to change things or to mend things,
and sometimes I pretend things didn’t affect me the way they really did,
But if i could change some things it would have to start from when I was a kid.
I could wish and regret all I would want to,
But the truth behind it is that I’m glad i went through.
Because if I wasn’t going through those tough times
could i really have turned out the way i am now?
If I didn’t have anything growing up and I were to go through the same struggles
Would I really know how?
They say if it doesn’t break you it builds you and the fact that I’m here to,
means I made it regardless of the situations i was faced with.
I could regret things, and I could wish to change things,
but the butterfly effect is too great a risk,
And could possibly jeopardize how I grew up and not ending up like this.
So I’m thankful for my past I know it happened for a reason,
I been through hell and back and luckily I managed to conquer all my demons.
So I intend to give up on looking back to my past with regrets.
Even though I suppress some things,
I'm thankful cause in the end it all contributed to my success.

My SOUL-ution

There was once a time I never thought I'd make it to see 23
But I have to thank God for this gift, that’s why we call it the Present
"Be grateful for what you got some people got it rougher than you
and they're suffering too", Words my grandmother said.
So when I think about my problems I feel ashamed that sometimes I complain
Yea, I had to walk around in the same clothes and shoes for 4 years straight,
but truthfully I'm just thankful God gave me those clothes in the 1st place
Nowadays I have to think the lowest out of people I used to think the highest of
Hating someone you used to care about so much is the most painful kind of love
I hit rock bottom on more than one occasion but instead of complaining
I'm using that as motivation and continuing to praise Him
But I'm doing better now, aiming for the top like a barber
Only thing I chase is money so the only bitch that can get to me is Karma
Someone said I changed for the worst, I said it was for good reasons
Dealing with disappointments and the knowledge that people will change like the seasons
Loyalty is rare and I decided that I should wear my bullet proof vest backwards
So if you gonna stab me in my back I already made sure I was prepared for it bastards
And more than ever relationships are a curse
Only because we accept the love we think we deserve
And I've learned, that Trust is a lot like paper
if it crumbles it will never be able to become perfect again
So instead of preparing for the beginning most people prepare for the end
So i wish to live with this below freezing feeling in my chest
I put my energy in the wrong places and gave my time to the wrong people
You only live once, but sometimes i pray that there'll be a sequel
To redo some mistakes, and take some of these regrets away
I’m still looking for a way,
But now i try to carry the load of all my baggage
I carry the pain in my heart in one hand and my current struggles in the other
but i still manage to find time and bring my hands together to thank God
My greatest skill is that i can get up after being knocked down so many times
Knocked down so hard that all I could see is stars
And the sight of those just gave me some inspiration and my determination
Haters who loved seeing me down became my motivation
If I don’t do better for my sake I'll do better for yours
Those who wanted to see me stay down all those times
and not knowing God was testing me I suffered through it more
But got up again, thanked Him, and kept it moving
I'm such a winner, I’m still currently a sinner, not perfect don’t try to be
but don't lie about it either, I'll get it right one day
But living in the moment is my guilty pleasure
Still I put my heart and soul on the line every time i rhyme
and for all those times I would seek an answer
This poetry became my way of opening up my soul
For the people who loved seeing my pain and my downfalls this became retribution
Y’all became part of the reason i was reborn as the SOUL-ution
So i wear that title in my name more arrogantly than before
All my struggles and all my pains are the reason i made it to the top floor
Because if it wasn’t for pain i wouldn’t know what true happiness feels like
I wouldn’t be inclined to accept the rain in order to appreciate the sun light
So the question i asked myself is how will I be able to make it through my struggles
I understand that the sun will shine, even when it rains
Happiness is always there, even in the face of pain
Consistency will always remain, even in the midst of change
So to accept the things i cannot change is a part of evolution
But to face my doubts and fears head on and open my heart,
That became my SOUL-tion

I Like You

I like you doesn't seem to hold the words to say
That I think about you every night and day
But I like you seems to be what I say to you
All in the hopes of hearing "I like you to"
Or I like you more,
Still describes how my eyes get lost into yours
Hypnotized by your eye-ris
And I know its a risk, taking it a step further
Saying things that should be unheard of
Especially this soon, but what I really want to tell u is
I love to see the reflection of the night sky in your eyes
I see the shape of warm snowflakes like a winter in July
I like the way you wake up in the morning, worried about your hair
and I'll laugh at you and smile at you and remind you i don’t care
you’re always so beautiful, exotic and sexy
I daydream of days i can relax with you next to me
Laying in bed with you seems to be my therapy
I feel like I’m on a cloud wishing you were up there with me
I wish i could take you to the moon so we could be alone
but since your already outta this world you would feel at home
but home is where the heart is and i built a nice little condo
And i mean the things i say to you,
I don’t wanna keep playing any games with you
lets take it a step further, i really like you alot
I want to be the best you ever had even though you been hurt
I’m not gonna contribute to the lack of luck you had with guys
dudes who don’t know how to act and to you its no surprise
i could tell you I’m different but words don’t seem to hold no life
so instead I’ll let my life with you turn into words
and write every page and chapter with moments together
moments we wish would last forever
moments we know couldn’t of happened any better
and I’ll look you in the eyes and tell you, "I really like you"
and let you feel how you should when someone cares
living a relationship not having any fears
My candle of "Like" has been burning slowly
Not sure what happens with this one goes out
But losing "Like" isn't something you should be worried about
I really like you,
but after saying it so many times it feels so weak
pathetic actually, in so many ways so meek
But love on the other hand,
That’s a word you could run from, a word you could be scared of
a word that saying could make your heart beat like a drum
I wouldn’t mislead you, hurt you, or judge you
but i mean what i say when i tell you I love you

i Write

I find myself struggling with inspiration
to write about something but whats my motivation
what story should i choose and what event should i address
and i cant think of anything...
then i think about it clearly, about what i hold on to dearly
its not my current situations, but the problems i was facing
as a child,
and then i realize that im not the only one who never got to speak
so this is why i write, i write for them not for me
i write for the kids struggling not knowing what to do
i write for the young boys thugging trying to fit in to be cool
i write for the little girl screaming daddy get off me
while her mom is only in the other room drinking her coffee
i write for the infants who was abandoned by their family
not knowing what it is so i know it can be damaging
i write for the little boy who's running in the streets
following the footsteps of his dad, but not knowing where they lead
i write for the little girls who pushing out all these kids
not knowing how to love them, because nobody ever did
i write for the young girl who was raped and killed by a uncle
never made the news because they didnt wanna stir up any trouble
i write for the young boys who do crimes just for attention
in and out of jail but never claim to learn there lesson
i write for the parents who drink away all there problems
ignoring there kids, and faced with situations not knowing how to solve them
i write for the dads who actually stayed in his kids life
but not being able to hold a job and not being able to provide
i write for the moms who have been left by there babys fathers
and struggling to take care of her kids, but cant even give them any water
working two jobs just to make enough to be broke
and still making it to spelling bees and soccer games
still providing christmas trees and candy canes
still managing to be all that she can be
when inside she's dealing with a pain that nobody can see
but she fights to be a mom and raise her children right
and when her kids take the wrong path, i can feel her start to die
i write for the millions of children who wake up everyday ready to die
never having anyone to love, tell them that their special in their eyes
i write for the young boy, educated and determined
but was faced with cancer and unfortunately lost a battle
no more shining star in the sky, but more tears in their eyes
i write for the young girl straight A student
got into a good college and had something to prove
self-motivated girl carried her own weight and pulled it
but was walking home late and killed by a stray bullet
i write for the parents who have to bury their children first
the rain doesnt seem to stop, the light taken away by a black hearst
the death never seems to end, and pain never seems to mend
but holding all that in, and wishing you could scream
i write for you so you can let go of that pain that you keep
yea i know its hard, but how you gonna live
with bottled up emotions because you never forgive
i write for those who smile but not knowing what its worth
and nobody knows there pain there just smiling when it hurts
i write for those who cry cause they havent got it out this long
dealing with it everyday because they thought it made them strong
i write for those who cant seem to ever stop stressing
faced with it every day and missing out on all there blessings
i write for those who dont have anyone to turn to
i write for those who never had any words to use
i write for the millions of people who cant seem to use there voices
i write for the millions more whos lives were taking over dumb choices
i write for the stories put to the side over all those irrelevant factors
i write for those who have a story to tell the ones that really matter
i know we all have our problems but this is nothing new
but there all millions of people out there who have it rougher than you
yea i may have a story and problems deep as the sea
but im writing for them cause this is bigger than me
im writing for all of you cause this is bigger than me..

Just Cause it's Wednesday

Today is a day i think about you a lot
Not different from any other day really
I just wanted you to understand how I’m feeling
I merely write u this for all the nights we missed
Not having you there to but despite of this
My sights still is missed
Meaning i don’t see no others
And she does the same
Our love can withstand fire, wind and rain
Trials and tribulations, anger, hurt and pain
But our love keeps getting up and up again
We portray positive predominant portraits of love
Circumstances affect the possibility of proper love
It’s painful without you present, cause you’re love is like a drug
Id go crazy for your kiss but I’m settled by just your hugs
Its rough, going days not having my moonlight
The suns nice but its not there when there’s no light
Meaning in dark situations you manage to brighten mine
Its taken time, being able to let you in
But I’m happy that i did and i feel like i just win
A medal of honor, a prize, trophy or the lottery
I know that’s its love cause I’ve given u a lot of me
What do you call it when you put someone else before yourself
Not being selfish but selfless, forgetting wellness or wealth
Sacrificing sanity cause love is insanity,
Like id be without you
Sometimes u call me crazy but the difference is,
I’m crazy about you
I know its hard to believe
But the way that you and me
Seem to always be on key
Were like autumn is to leaves
Cause when you're there I’m never to far
Even if I’m not there I’m still in your heart
When you look at old pictures and smile
Even though there from Tuesday
Today maybe be Wednesday but to me
Its still been too many days in between
So i think of what i could do with the time that i been given
I’m grateful for our Christmases, valentines and thanksgivings
Not to many know love unfortunately have not savored
But bless isn’t the word for me, I’ve been divinely favored
when i say im trying to get to know your insides im talkin about mentally
your mind is exquisite and i just want the recipe
passion and persistence turns pain into progress
so invest time, to let the path of our minds connect
being around you seems to stimulate my soul
and being without you seems to boil my heart whole
but its still the best feeling being in your presence
its a present and im grateful for the days we are blessed with
We could have our fun days, chill days, and our pretend days
But this is my appreciation for you Just cause its Wednesday...

Maintenance Man (2011)

It takes time to love someone whos been hurt
and u have to be willing to do extra to make it work
but tending to a broken heart takes delicacy,
persistance, love, and relevancy
so when i think bout how ya hearts been damaged
i think of ways to fix and manage
i think of how i can repair ya wounds
and patch them up like get well soon
i think of ways to improve the marks
and love you past your beauty scars
i thought and came up with the craziet plan
that i could be your maintenance man
im more than just a plumber that lays the pipe
im more than an electrician that turns u on like a light
i can do more than all the sexual things
but i am also capable of making you scream
i come when u need i fix whats been broke
i come with many features like a digital remote
you dont need the outside help cause baby i do it all
i show up on time and i never miss a call
if i were to be ya maintenance man
id repair ya heart safetly, i can
put it back together cause it was damaged by a fool
so ima need the time to fix it so ill be gettin out my tools
no profit needed just your satisfaction is my goal
the interest of your mind, body and im workin towards ya soul
im inspired by the way you seem to carry so much pain
and you manage to put a smile on that keeps the hurt away
but im here to make that smile stay so u will never have to cry
unless those tears are tears of joy then i hope they fill your eyes
cause when that hurt fills your eyes
i can see you start to hide
beneath the pain inside your soul u need to be revived
so until your back alive im here to tell u that i cherish you
i can make ya pain go away faster than a cold with theraflu
youve been carryin a burden and its time u lighten the load
i see a sunlight behind the clouds so let your expressions show
and when i see you really smile, a smile from your heart
then i have finished my services and your maintanence man will depart
but i will not leave u, just my role as a repair man is complete
but now im the man who'll love you like a new love should be
just me just you, we start fresh and brand new
no more hurt or no more pains
just enjoy our chance to love again

I'll Be That Asshole (2010)

Who told u it was cool for u to be a model
when most models got coke bottle shapes and u not hot tho
what is the point for you havin ya pictures takin
when u look like a soggy slim jim in the face
falsifyin ya selfesteem to make u feel better
and u was the one who really thought doin that was clever
im not one to hate but bein a model is a profession
some dont qualify and im sure youll learn that lesson
when they say "young man" what did u come here for
and u say "im a girl" and they laugh u out the door
im not tryna break selfesteems
im tryna break thru these false human means
why you chose a path in which u dont qualify
inherting greatness but placing it to the side to be in a public eye
if your not attractive and u need proactive dont play yaself
be passionate get ya graduates stack ya bread and build ya wealth
not everyone can be blessed like that
but fortunately God gave u something u were good at
...who told u it was cool to be a rapper
when u have a better chance at being a actor
because all u doin is lying and create a false persona
sayin u robbin niggas and shootin niggas when u live in arizona
the suburbs part with the green grass and the tall trees
but u sayin in ya rhymes u kill niggas and spark leaves
u say you got street cred but nobody even knows you
and u lame with all the shit u say thats why nobody promotes you
you think its cool to be what u see in the media on tv
but half of those niggas sayin dog u dont even wanna be like me
cause u sacrifice you personal life u cant go or chill no more
u need to move like 15 times cause u have new groupies at ya door
not sayin thats not cool but what happens when u in court
and she got a child 8 months old n she lookin for child support
u thought it be cool u just hit it and get some brain
but u stuck with her for 18years and ya money down the drain
havin to be seen as a public icon in everthing u do
cause people make mistakes sometime but its 100x worse for you
not everyone can be blessed like that
but fortunately God gave you something u were good at
...who told u it was cool to be fuckin every dude
you 14 years old n you got somethin in ya stomach not food
u thought shit was cool and u really like the feelin
but ya ass is 8months pregnant now n now ur not appealin
so the dude that u was messin with decided that he should leave
and now u stuck raisin his baby while he out there plantin seeds
and for u to get dragged into it just makkin u seem worse
cause now u crazy baby mama and it haunts u like a curse
how the fuck did shit happen like that n why u rushin so much
it would have been better to wait a while but u was anxious to fuck
dudes will say anything just to get u in the bed
he slingin shit and confusin u and messin with ya head
alot of people wish they can take that back
but fortuantely God gave you somehting to keep your smile intact
...i say what i feel and i dont worry bout the reperucssions
but you need to let your goals fuel your motivation to reach for something
but we dont have all life to notice the mistakes thats right infront of us
instead people actin dumb and it make it look bad for all of us
stop bein dumb think bout what u doin before you do it
this is everyday life u can see it everywhere to prove it
u might not wanna hear it but shit is real u lose respect
be who God wanted u to be and not a fake person with a bad rep
if u feel offended in the least then jump off a fuckin flag pole
somebody had to say it so i guess ill be that asshole...

Poetry (Seductive) 2010

As we walk in to the room lights off and we can feel the pressure
i take her to the bed take her shirt off and drop it on the dresser
things may get critical 2morro but im not bout to stress her
cause we both part of 2 different families this will not be remembered
i had a lil to much to drink and thats no excuse for this
but soon as we locked eyes after that the next thing lead to a kiss
i usually dont do this but right now im to caught up in the moment
i lay her on the bed she talkin softly tellin me she want it
man this freaky talkin shit be havin me thinkin about a part 2
but that isnt possible and part 1 will be forgotten along with you
so we here be clear that this a one night stand
so im not catchin feelins cause in the mornin u goin back 2 ya man
i usually take my time but why not go all out for this, the moments free
i tell her mama after tonight u gone get hooked off just this dose of me
i wanna tell u some things in ya ear baby i call it poetry
u dont have to like it we can skip it and u can pose for me
but i just wanna say some words and get u wet with my poetry
...i lift her legs up high kiss her ankles watch her reaction change
she said boy stop playin i told her baby this far from a fuckin game
i put my tongue on her thighs her eyes start to dialate
i told her youll be cummin ima eat it like a dinner plate
by the way she reactin i can tell that she never had it like this
so im inside of her thighs i get closer and i gently place a kiss
the way she moanin turns me on and she knows it cause she hears my voice
i move my hands up her thighs closer and i can tell shes moist
i look her in the eyes lick my lips and she already know
i take her panties off and im in between like a field goal
then i told her tonight u gone get hooked off this does of me
i wanna tell u some things in ya ear baby i call it poetry
u dont have to like it we can skip it and u can pose for me
but i just wanna say some words and get u wet with my poetry
...i take off her shoes and her toes got that red candy paint
i understand she got a man but to her im the man he aint
so i lick from her toes to her thighs and watch her roll her eyes
im in her naval she cryin out im i said girl we can be loud inside
im in between her legs and said YES as she grippin the sheets
i told her i got more instore dont rush it baby or you gone be to weak
i got a couple tricks and some things i need to show to her tonight
cause when i give it to her good i want her to feel like she bout to fly tonight
yea cloud 9 would be below us as i put her legs up on my shoulders
im grippin her thighs tighter as her climax is gettin closer
and im swimmin in her water
im ready to cut, like a barber
i felt her clinch up as she started to scratch all over my body
i dive a lil deeper im a professioal girl this aint no hobby
i dont wana wait i give it till she cant take no more
her body starts shiverin and i told her i got more instore
then i told her baby tonight youll be hooked off this does of me
i wanna tell u some things in ya ear babe i call it poetry
u dont have to like it we can skip it and u can pose for me
but i just wanna say some words and get u wet with my poetry
by now she cant control her voice
she escalated from being moist
now its like a waterfall
and i can hear her moans through her jaw
i smile at her i told her boo this is just the beginning
i can tell you gettin weak on me girl no use in pretendin
but she quickly change it up and now im laying down on my back
im feelin things i never felt and shes lovin the way that i react
she got my eyes rollin im like damn girl you goin hard on me
she speed it and and move her head and then she slow it down on me
she told me ima have u feenin when im finished u gone dream bout me
ima do some things and say some words just call it poetry
u gone be missin me later, like im oversees
but right now im all ears boo tell me some of your poetry

I Love You More?

So many things left unsaid
the worrying and the waiting
the loving and the hating
not knowing what to do
waiting hurts and forgetting hurts
but not knowing what decision to make is worse
you suffer together when the world is against you
but you suffer alone when your against each other
which pain hurts more
which one is worth fighting for
Love can be the problem and the solution
but you cant make that decision alone
it takes two to make it through
effort on both ends and sacrificial actions
giving up wants substituting them with needs
but is that really all we need?
to think that this thing has gotten so far
and to throw that away is that going too far?
i never wanted to,
but i cant speak for you
fighting seems to be the only way that we
can use our arguments to tell the truth
and i know i act like i dont care sometimes
but sometimes it hurts me much more than it hurts you
but if fighting for you and not with you
is the only way to get through to you
then put on your gloves and lets go a couple rounds
cause you're not worth living without
and yes that means im willing to stay
if we love each other wouldnt we find a way
to make things work?
to put love first
going through what we went through
and wishing i could tell you the truth
and sometimes i wish that you just knew
but living without you is more like dying without you
and i even had dreams of me crying without you
even though those tears werent reality
the pain is still the same
all to just talk to you, and hear you say my name
so i guess this is the way for me to put my feelings into words
and acknowledging my mistakes and hoping we have more to come
Remember all those fights of "i love you more"?
i guess it looks like i won...

"I Love you more?" poem coming soon...

Island Gettaway (2010)

I could compare you to a sunrise but thats already been taken
tellin you i feel closer to u ever night when im praying
i could compare you to the stars and how they light up the sky
similar to the way your smile seems to light up your eyes
i could stare at your for days your face erases my pains
the way waking up to someone you love the very next day
if that person was you then you would never hear me complain
i call u my sunshine so i could beg for some rain
so i can appreciate you greater
and cater to u like a waiter
if i can measure your beauty in distance you would be bout a acre
i could compare you to the moonlight
but you beauty last more than just night
and even tho the moon is accompanied by the stars
i can see that entire night in the left side of your eye
to compare you to something u accomplish with out trying
doesnt seem to hold a candle no use in me lying
so i could compare you to a flower
but you bloom every hour
i could compare you to a park
but you shine after dark
i could compare you to a beach
now that seems like something worth inspecting
cause a beach has a different beauty to it every other second
but not just an ordinary beach somewhere vast and erotic
like a island in the caribbean that can past for exotic
like how some of the waters appear to be so pure
and it seems to capture every bit of your allure
how the trees sway back and forth with ease
and it reflects both of our personalities
how we seem to move with rhythm
we're special like autism
we cure each other symptoms
in my heart you've made a kingdom
and if i were to be your king
or your maharaja in some dialetcs
and u can be my queen
and we can go on a private jet
to my island gettaway
where i can be in a place
that seems to hold the slightest flame
and makes me wanna change ya name
in my island gettaway
where i can see your eyes at night
in the reflection of the moonlight
burns bright like a candlelight
in my island gettaway
i can tell you how i feel
as we move back and forth in rythm
like the trees thats all out here
in my island gettaway
whenever i hold your hand
it has the warmth of the sand
and now i understand
You are my island gettaway.